I am not a relationship or marriage coach, and no, I have not successfully mastered the art of perfect courtship.
However, I have had my fair share of relationships to warn you of the signs of impending danger. I have perfected the art of reading signs so much, I consider myself a seer.
Marriages are great, but you know what sucks?
Breakups and divorces.
So let me spare you a lot of soul searching and tell you how you can successfully end up single without as much as lifting a finger.
If you’re wondering, “What does disrespect mean?” then here are 15 signs of disrespect in a marriage that you should look out for before they destroy your relationship.
They don’t tell you how they feel
Contrary to what everyone believes, men are not mind-readers, and neither are women. If we wanted someone to read our minds, we would marry mediums.
For there to be effective communication, we need to understand that if we feel something, we need to say it. If we don’t like something, we need to say it.
It is even more important to speak up when we are angry than when we are happy. I don’t know any marriage that ended because the partners felt too happy.
The silent treatment
Frequently giving you the silent treatment is one of the clearest and most ominous signs of disrespect in a relationship. It’s also a sign that your communication dynamics are falling apart.
This type of behavior often happens when your partner feels so disconnected, they don’t even feel like talking about what upsets them.
This is not only counterproductive but also a sign that they are losing psych and momentum in the fight to make it work.
Just don’t play into the same antiques. Eventually, they will come around, and you’re more likely to have a healthy conversation then.
Not listening to what you have to say
There is nothing as frustrating in a relationship as not having your needs considered or met. The worst is when this happens even after you have carefully communicated them.
It could be anything from your insecurities to your marriage expectation. It may even be something as simple as requesting them to help out around the house.
You can tell that your spouse is ignoring you if it feels like everything you say to them goes in one ear and out the other. It doesn’t matter how serious or seemingly trivial it is.
Refusal to compromise
World wars begin when countries decide they are too entitled to bow down to others. This mentality also happens to be one of the clearest examples of disrespect in marriage and genesis of most problems in a relationship.
Research on the importance of compromise shows that for couples to be happy, there has to be a minimum of 30% compromise.
That means that for every 24 hours, you will agree to do a few things you don’t particularly like for your partner’s sake and solely for the sake of your relationship.
They’re always right
Every time you argue, they are always right. Every disagreement you have, it is you who was on the wrong.
If you notice this toxic pattern, then your marriage may be in more trouble than you thought. A rigid, one-sided mindset is one of the biggest deal breakers in long term relationships.
With time, always having your opinions disregarded or bearing the blame for falling outs will take its toll, and it will not be good for you.
Let’s set the record straight here. Not all criticism is horrible. Sometimes we need it to help us grow in the relationship. However, there is a fine line between constructive criticism from a place of love and derogatory comments meant to hurt you.
These usually come in different forms. It could be that they keep comparing you to other people in a negative light. Maybe they keep attacking your insecurities. Whatever the case, it shows a lack of respect in marriage and is a sign of disregard for you as a person.
Nothing ruins a relationship or a marriage more than a partner who acts and behaves like they are still single. I genuinely believe that there is no feeling worse than being with someone and still feeling alone.
If you choose to commit to a partner, you must act like someone in a relationship. Realize that your choices and everyday decisions are not only about you.
The most basic and typical example is making holiday plans that do not factor in your partner. Guess what? I wanted to go on vacation as well!
Lying and hiding things
Remember that magical time in your marriage when you kept nothing from each other?
The moment you leave that safe and beautiful Eutopia, it is usually downhill from there.
Unless it is a surprise birthday party or classified government information, your partner should not be lying or keeping secrets as this is just a recipe for disaster in the relationship.
The greatest problem in the world is people who choose to say one thing and actively do the other. Mixed signals suck. Are you hungry, or are you not? Do you love me, or are your mind and actions separate entities?
The biggest decision couples can ever make is to live the talk actively. Consistently checking to see that they are matching up to their expectation.
If you choose to be faithful to your husband or wife, then come hell or high water, be faithful. If you promise to be better, then walk your talk.
Rebel to boundaries
The notion that once you become a couple, there are no more boundaries is why most relationships fail.
Boundaries are especially important in marriage as they provide peace, and they create respect. A recipe for ruining your relationship would be to have no limits. To make everything permissible.
Do you know what blurred lines create?
They create a relationship that feels claustrophobic.
Not acknowledging your accomplishments
Not many scenarios out there compare to the pain felt when your spouse fails to recognize your accomplishments and appreciate your efforts. It seems that you can do no good, whether it is at home, in your social life or your career.
They either ignore or criticize the little you didn’t manage to get right. If this happens, you may need to have a conversation about respect and how much support you need from them.
Phonaphilia is a term made by joining the phone and love to mean loving your phone too much.
Have you ever been the third wheel on a date?
Well, that’s how it feels when you spend all your time on the phone when hanging out with your partner. This toxic behavior, also known as phubbing, is a common sign of disrespect.
The overly sensitive babe
Nobody needs a partner that is always angry and triggered by even the slightest things. Protecting your relationship means letting some offenses slide.
Take note that I did not allow space for disrespect.
The best advice I ever read on a self-help book said: “Learn to pick your battles wisely – lose the battle, and win the war.”
I did not fully understand what the phrase meant until I found the toilet dirty after a weekend sleepover with my partner. Being obsessively compulsive, I yelled and said things that I should not have said. To cut a long story short, I am now single with a clean toilet seat. I won the battle and ultimately lost the war.
Making you feel less than
We all crave the feeling of being important to someone. Being wanted. Being a priority. If you are not getting this in your marriage, then it is a sign that things are not probably going too well.
More often than not, it feels like your partner is doing you a favor being with you. This will tear apart your self-worth, and you need to address it before it takes root as long-term insecurity.
Inappropriate social media behavior
Your partner may also be showing blatant disrespect through their social media behavior.
One way this can happen is if they use the platforms to flirt with other people. It really doesn’t matter how harmless they claim it is.
It could also be that they value time online more than time with you. Everything from dates to time together gets taken over by clicking, swiping, liking, and commenting.
You are probably feeling ready to tackle the relationship world – and you are. Remember, however, that relationships are a daily choice. They are like your 9-5, except the clock never runs out. When properly nurtured, marriages can be the greatest experience on earth!
If you end up divorcing, though, don’t be desperate, it is always possible to find love after a divorce!