I am not a relationship or marriage coach, and no, I have not successfully mastered the art of perfect courtship. However, I have had my fair share of relationships to warn you of the signs of impending danger. I have perfected the art of reading signs so much, so I consider myself a seer.
Marriages are great, but you know what sucks?
Breakups and divorces.
So let me spare you a lot of soul searching and tell you how you can successfully end up single without as much as lifting a finger.
Here are 10 signs of disrespect in marriage that you should look after before you end up divorcing.
Contrary to what everyone believes, men are not mind-readers, and neither are women. If we wanted someone to read our mind, we would marry mediums.
For there to be effective communication, we need to understand that if we feel something, we need to say it. If we don’t like something, we need to say it. It is even more important to speak up when we are angry than when we are happy. I don’t know any marriage that ended because the partners felt too happy.
Refusal to compromise
World wars begin when countries decide they are too entitled to bow down to others. This mentality also happens to be the genesis of most problems in a relationship.
In certain research on the compatibility of couples and the importance therein, it is clear that for a couple to be considered happy at average, there has to be a minimum of 30% compromise. That means that for 24 hours, you will agree to do a few things you don’t particularly like, for your partner’s sake and solely for the sake of your relationship.
Phonaphilia is a term made by joining phone and love to mean loving your phone too much. Have you ever been the third wheel on a date? Well, that’s how it feels when you spend all your time on the phone when with your partner. This toxic behavior and sign of disrespect is also known as phubbing.
The overly sensitive babe
Nobody needs a partner that is always angry and triggered by even the slightest things. Protecting your relationship means letting some offenses slide.
Take note that I did not allow space for disrespect. The best advice I ever read on a self-help book said: “Learn to pick your battles wisely, lose the battle, and win the war.” I did not fully understand what the phrase meant until I found the toilet dirty after a weekend sleepover with my partner. Being obsessively compulsive, I yelled and said things that I should not have said. To cut a long story short, I am now single with a clean toilet seat. I won the battle and ultimately lost the war.
Nothing ruins a relationship or a marriage more than a partner who acts and behaves like they are still single. I truly believe that there is no feeling worse than being with someone and still feeling alone.
If you choose to commit to a partner, you must act like someone in a relationship. Realize that your choices and everyday decisions are not only about you. The most basic and common example is making holiday plans that do not factor in your partner. Guess what? I wanted to go on vacation as well.
The greatest problem in the world is people who choose to say one thing and actively do the other. Mixed signals suck. Are you hungry or are you not? Do you love me or are your mind and actions separate entities?
The greatest decision couples can ever make is to live the talk actively. Consistently checking to see that they are matching up to their expectation. If you choose to be faithful to your husband or wife, then come hell or high water, be faithful.
If you promise to be better, then walk your talk.
Rebel to boundaries
The notion that once you become a couple, there are no more boundaries is why most relationships fail.
Boundaries are especially important in marriage. Boundaries provide peace they create respect. A recipe to ruin your relationship would be to have no limits. To make everything permissible. You know what blurred lines create?
They create a relationship that feels claustrophobic.
You are probably feeling ready to tackle the relationship world – and you are. Remember, however, that relationships are a daily choice. They are like your 9-5,